so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
