Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
