omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
