Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
