I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
