dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
