oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
