Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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