They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
