Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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