also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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