Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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