so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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