Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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