I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
