you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
