i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He? As in you personified your dick?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
