in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
