I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
