He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
