I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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