i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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