How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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