I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
