It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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