U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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