I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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