Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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