I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
