i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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