She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
