hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
