Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
