i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
