I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
