You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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