so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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