Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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