My friends, they love my intelligence
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize