Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
