Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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