Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
