Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
