then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
