Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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