that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
