my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
