there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Are these your boobs on my camera?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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