Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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