he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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