You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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