Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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