FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
