Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
