Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
