Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
