this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
