Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
