People in love make me want to vomit
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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