i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
