I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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