Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
