i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize