Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
