He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
